This essay will be about three thing I know to be true. The three things are about traveling,history, and science.
The First thing, I like traveling, because I want to learn about history of other countries. Second I want to learn history, as I said I want to learn other countrie's history, and learn my countire's history as well, and third, I want to learn how solar panel works.
First, I like taveling,, because I want to know move about other countrie's history. When I went to Australia, I learned that Captian Cook found Australia, used it as a prison, and made the British convicts work there. Did you know that there was a nine years old convict called John Hudson.
Second, I like history, because I want to learn history about korea, and I want to know HOW 세종 the great made korean language, and how we survived 6 .25 war, and how we develped after the war was amested.
Third, I also like science, because I want to learn about the solar panel, and learn how it works and how it was made.
These three things. I know to be true are about traveling, history, and science, because i want to learn about other countrie's history, and my countrie's history, and how solar panel works
Good Job!! Eugene...
ReplyDeleteWhy don't you blog about your favorites like games, or your family with some awesome pictures?
Anyway, it is fantastic..
Eugene- Thank you for sharing your three things you know to be true. For the introduction paragraph, please make it one paragraph. Then add a space between paragraphs.
ReplyDeleteThe paragraphs in the body are also too short. Try to add details thinking about the 5 w's like who, what, where etc. I wonder about the 9 year old convict and want to know more about why you are interested in science and solr panels.
Finally, you should use pictures, videos or links to illustrate your points and make the blog more interesting. I hope you will use my comments to improve your writing next time. Good luck!
Hi, Eugene. I think your essay is a bit short. I believe that if you put some more details for each paragraph of this essay, you can make it far better. Also, you have written your first body paragraph twice, so please erase one. I also want you to always check spelling errors before you post it. Don't forget to use some photos~!
ReplyDeleteGood Luck!!